Cooking Adventures with Elysia
by Elysia1
Summary: COMPLETE - This is about a cooking show called 'Cooking Adventure with Elysia' and in this episode, Elysia the host has a very special guest......SEVERUS SNAPE. Comedy. P.S This is a real recipe!


**Author notes:** This recipe is really yum!! Try it at home!

**Cooking Adventures with Elysia**

She walked in and smiled down into the camera, looking overly confident.  The little red light was on, and even after six months of hosting the five-minute segment "Cooking Adventures with Elysia" she still got the collywobbles when the camera started rolling.

"Hello and welcome to Cooking Adventures with Elysia," smile, "today we have a special guest chef, Severus Snape acclaimed cooking professor and culinary expert," Elysia said, her smile never wavering as she glared down into the camera.  She was glad she got the name out right after having a momentary panic backstage.  _Severus Snape?  You have got to be kidding, were his parents completely insane?_

The studio audience clapped and cheered as a tall dark man glided onto the stage. He looked formidable and by the state of his messed hair and pale features like he had been in a fight with Stacey the kindly make-up assistant. The audience's clapping dispersed slowly, and they looked back and forth between each other, unsure about his presence.

Elsewhere all the Muggleborn students who were watching the popular cooking show dropped whatever it was they had been holding.

Snape's eyes were winced, not used to the bright lights, and he sent the audience as well as the camera crew a customary sneer such that the clapping welcome desisted entirely.

_Who on earth suggested this fellow?_ Elysia thought yet recovered quickly and grabbed the man's hand shaking it uncomfortably as she pulled him centre stage with her.

"Delighted," she lied a huge smile plastered on her face but her eyes displayed her confusion, "so what are we cooking today?"

_I wouldn't be surprised if she was related to Lockhart. _Snape thought as he dropped her hand quickly. He appraised his surroundings mentally cursing everyone present. He turned to look at the young woman beside him, she was incessant, he gave her a stare and she marginally faulted.

"Chocolate Fudge Bars," Snape said his words cutting the air like one of Elysia's sharpest cutting knifes.

_Sweets?_ Elysia thought slightly taken aback. She hadn't expected him to suggest a simple dessert - she expected him to be cooking some piece of anatomy and not entirely sure it would be animal.  _At least it's not Lemon Drops,_ her uncle had an infinity with them. 

Snape placed his fingers gingerly on the table before him where the ingredients lay.  _Better get this over with quickly_, he thought.

"For the slice you will need 1 cup plain flour, ½ cup of sugar, 1 cup of coconut, 1 tablespoon of cocoa, 185g of softened butter and ½ a teaspoon of vanilla!" He spoke quickly yet clearly and looked to the audience expectantly, as if they were supposed to be taking notes or grabbing out ingredients.

Braving to assist Elysia offered, "You see we have prepared our ingredients here," and used her hands to gesture to the ingredients for the cameraman, "so what should we do first," she asked and turned friendly to Snape.

"I assumed you would know after all this is your cooking show, I rather expected that you had some knowledge of basic preparation techniques," he spat. He was not expecting chuckles from the audience through some seemed amused by his outburst and laughed.  Elysia had the heart to join them but from where she was standing she could see his eyes flash with both sarcasm and malice and she decided not to risk it, especially with all the knifes about.

She ignored it and continued, "We can prepare our oven to 160 degrees Celsius, and begin by greasing the lamington tin."  She smiled again at the camera, yet this time her smile looked suitably forced, grabbing a tin and placing it a little to fiercely on the benchtop. She began to grease it.

Snape was beginning to enjoy his television career. He pulled a bowl toward him and stated each dry ingredient as he placed them it in. He added the butter and vanilla. He couldn't help but make a critical side note that it was much better to use melted butter than the margarine he had been presented with, "......but it will have to do."

Elysia wanted to kick him. If this wasn't live television then she would have already screamed cut and called security. She looked on with faked interest ignoring the comments as he placed the ingredients in the bowl. For a gruff man he was very delicate with his work and stirred the ingredients with vigorous ease. She was so caught up she failed to make her usual rant about the ingredients, their sponsors and a well-placed joke.  Not that it mattered, after this disaster she wondered if she would ever work again.

They spread the mixture into the pan and placed it into the oven. The whole process seemed quick but Elysia was just waiting to get off the stage.

"The cooking time is about twenty minutes," said Elysia, "And here is one we prepared earlier," she said as she pulled the tray from below the bench. The slice sat on a breadboard. "It is now cooled so we can ice it."

"The icing is so simple even Longbottom could manage it," Snape spat annoyed, Elysia and safe to say the rest of the people present had no idea what he was talking about. "Just grab a bowl and mix a cup of icing sugar, 2 tablespoons of cocoa, 1 and a half tablespoons of hot water and 30 grams of butter."

He flung the remaining ingredients on the benchtop into a separate bowl. Stirred them and poured the icing over the top of the slice. He brandished a knife and dipped it gracefully in the hot water before spreading the icing with long quick stokes.

"You can use some coconut to decorate," Elysia suggested as she sprinkled coconut over the icing Snape had spread neatly. His nostrils flared and she could hear him deep breathing. _He maybe some classic chef but he sure has one hell of an attitude problem_, she thought getting annoyed.

One thought flew threw her mind and she knew that she couldn't deny it, _Revenge!_

"Severus," she offered the tray as she cut him a piece, he looked into her eyes and noticed them sparkling a familiar blue. This slice was stale and she knew it too, it had been made last week in rehearsals by a not so experienced techie and had been sitting uncovered in the dusty studio since. The producer was making hand gestures from off stage but she ignored them.

He thrust pale long thinned fingers forward her and whipped the slice from her hand. She knew he would not back from a challenge. He took a bite into it. "Yum," he said smugly, his face twisted in a sneer to refuse the urge to spit it in her face.  He was however quite quick and turned the offered tray to her.

Her blue eyes widened for a moment yet she accepted holding the slice for a moment before turning her head to glare into his dark eyes as she bit into it.

Her fake smile returned, "Truly delightful Severus!" Her voice was too excited for slice. It would have been better stored in a Tupperware container in the fridge with a lifetime far longer than anyone would allow it. She remembered the recipe well it really was a delicious and simple slice.

The two glared each other down as they forced themselves to eat stale slice. She turned back to the camera smiling and Snape used this as his chance to flee the stage.

"Well that's all we have time for today but next week we will be doing Teriyaki Salmon Sticks look forward to it," Elysia said as she smiled and waved at the camera. The studio audience offered a scattered applause a tad surprised at show they had gotten. Once the red light turned off Elysia turned to talk to the man who had assisted her, however he was already gone.

She ran off the stage and the producer was calling for her, the crew was a bit confused. She pushed past them all though and ran out into the studio backlot. She caught sight of his black hair for just a second and then he seemed to disappear into thin air.

Shrugging she turned back to the confusion inside, she comforted herself with one thought, _They__ would always share Chocolate Fudge Bars_.


End file.
